Clearing out the cobwebs

As you will know as a regular reader of this life-changing blog, Sonic Mouth has hardly been 'sonic' in the last few months. So in an attempt to heave ourselves from this sweaty slump, we decided to give our email account a little spring clean; separate the wheat from the chaff, the spam from the porn etc.

Needless to say, Sonic Mouth is now the lucky inheritor of 859,000,000 Ghanian rupees and with our new-found fortune we no longer need to worry about shooting our load too early with our non-erect tiny cocks, thanks to the SUPER PENIS PILL we can have for only $100 a month.

But amid all the usual electronic excrement, there was one interesting email. There, nestled among the spam, was perhaps the worst example of product placement advertising Sonic Mouth had ever seen. Now you’re all intelligent people, so we’re just going to let you read the email, and then read our measured response. We don’t want these idiots to get any more publicity than they deserve so we’ve taken out their real web address (and replaced it with a humourous alternative… guffaw!).

Please revel in their stupidity and our sharp wit. We’ll be sure to post any further correspondence…

Dear owner of http://sonicmouth.blogspot.com,

I'm the webmaster of http://bunchoffuckingnumbnuts.com

We came across your blog today and thought that you might want to
know about a cycling jersey we are selling that is stirring up quite a
buzz. The new jerseys at www.bunchoffuckingnumbnuts.com send a message to aggressive drivers.

If you decide you want to write a little something about us for your
blog, let us know and we will reciprocate a link back to you!!

Best regards,

Jonathan

Hi,

We’re not surprised you came across Sonic Mouth today, it really is fucking arousing. It’s also a bloody kooky coincidence that you got in touch because it was only the other day when we were sat around chatting about whether our music blog could do with an advert for cycling jerseys on it.

But while we all decided that the Holy Grail of our blogging existence would be to one day feature an advert for cycling jerseys, we couldn't really justify doing it at the moment as there are simply so many cycling jerseys out there. How would we decide which one to feature? If only there was one which was 'stirring up quite a buzz'. OMG. What are the chances!

I can see you must have a GCSE in Business Studies as it must take a highly astute marketing brain to identify the link between our music blog and the exciting realm of cycling jerseys. Maybe you got the idea from all our cycle jersey-related posts.

I mean, we’re often woken from our sleep by hoards of cyclists hammering on our door, screaming like deranged banshees: “SONIC MOUTH, WE LOVE YOUR BLOG BUT WHERE CAN WE GET SOME JERSEYS WE CAN WEAR WHEN WE’RE CYCLING WHICH WILL SEND MESSAGES TO AGGRESSIVE DRIVERS!”…

…Oh no, hang on. None of this actually happened. In fact, the closest we’ve probably ever got to whispering the word ‘bike’ is when we were deciding whether to devote any space to a review of Bombay Bicycle Club’s latest offering. And we didn’t even bother to do that.

If you’re even still reading this, we assume you probably know our response to your little poorly-researched marketing gambit, but just in case you were in some doubt – please kindly shove your cycling jersey.

Yours forever,

Sonic Mouth