O. Wow or O. Dear? It's O. Children

O. Children – Barden’s Boudoir, Dalston
Saturday 7 March 2009

It seems that most music journalists have undergone a lobotomy of late, leaving receptors capable only of picking up high basslines, intermittent guitar hooks and baritone vocals delivering lyrics verging on the suicidal. Or does everyone really just sound like Joy Division?

So what do O. Children sound like? Think of a band from Manchester. Think 1977. Think dead singer. Think alcoholic bass player who beats the shit out of Mrs Merton. Got it yet?

If it’s any consolation the first thing that I scribbled down was ‘Joy Division on a yacht/Duran Duran doing The Chameleons’, although this could have had something to do with their Miami Vice attire, conforming to the American theme of this ‘Snap, Crackle & Pop’ night at Barden’s.

Speaking of yachts - O. Children’s journey to buzz-band city central hasn’t all been plain sailing, as although they’re revered by the ‘Shoxton and Whoreditch’ Vice reading sarcasmoes, members of O. Children have previously anchored under the delightful moniker ‘Bono Must Die’. Under that guise their esoteric punkisms were ultimately - for want of a better phrase - a bit shit. Now rechristened and recharged, O. Children are now repackaged as the future of music … albeit perhaps three decades too late.

That’s not to say that O. Children don’t have any unique selling points. They look amazing. Frontman Tobias is just that, a frontman. All eight feet of him exude mystery and confidence as he parades around the stages seemingly growing taller by the second, his sunglasses and high-top hairstyle riding the MC Hammer wave all the way to the beach house.

Breaking with convention, O. Children’s lyrics also belie the evil that seeps from their instruments. If one could decipher Tobias’ thick drawl you might find that he’s not singing about isolation, atmosphere or interzones, he’s singing a song called ‘Ace Breasts’. Sample lyric, “Ace breasts in the back of my mind, ace breasts from the front and behind.”

Oh children, what to make of O. Children? To be honest – it was like watching a serial killer having a wank - I’m utterly confused.